A POTATO WESTERN
"I'm Rotten Roots! Ever since I've come to town, I've
brought fear and terror to the hearts of everyone in Tater Town! So far, no
sheriff has been able to stop me!"
"Hi, I'm Mr. Potato Head. I've come to Tater Town, looking for work. I'm an
honest, loyal, and trustworthy man, but totally naive to the evils of the real
world."
"Er...Howdy, stranger. This here town needs a new sheriff and I'ma offerin'
you the job if'n you ain't too scared."
"Of course I'm not scared. I'm totally naive to the evils of the real world.
I'll take it!"
"HEY! Keep me out of this!"
Anyway, it didn't take Rotten Roots long to find out about the new sheriff in
town and he wasn't too happy about it.
"It didn't take me long to find out about the new sheriff in town and I'm not
too happy about it!"
"Hey, Potato Head! I'm Rotten Roots! It's time for you to learn that there's
more to sheriffing than rope tricks and sweethearts! I challenge you to a duel!"
"I...I'm riddled with fear! I don't know anymore about dueling than the man
in the moon!"
"I TOLD YOU FOLKS TO LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS!"
"Sorry, Man in the Moon.!"
"I'm lookin' ya straight in the eye, Potato Head! I dare ya ta make a move!"
"Oh No! My holster accidentally slipped off of my waist, putting my life in
danger and causing me great embarrassment as well!"
"HAR! HAR! HAR! This idiot don't have no more sense than the man in the
moon!"
"THAT DOES IT!"
POW! "OUCH! Hey! What's goin' on?!?"
POW! BAM! SMACK! WHAP! KONK! "OHHHHH...!"
"Boy, I've never been happier!"
"Well, Mayor Mashy, I suppose I have a permanent job as sheriff in Tater Town
now, right?"
"Ferget it, Potato Head! You ain't done nothin'! I'ma takin' your badge away
and givin' it to the guy what really deserves it! The Man in the Moon!"
"I SAID TO LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS!" POW! WHAP! BONK! SOCK! WHAM!
Hello, western fans! I'm sure you've seen a lot of Spaghetti Westerns in
your lifetime, but you've probably never had the misfortune...er...fortune to
see a genuine POTATO WESTERN! So, just scroll on down and it'll all be over
before you know it!
Our story begins with Mayor Mashy of Tater Town. Mayor Mashy runs
Tater Town and everything has always gone fine until one day...
...Rotten Roots came to town. Ever since then, he's brought fear and
terror to the hearts of everyone in Tater Town! So far, no sheriff has been able
to stop him.
Oh, a lot of different sheriffs have tried to stop him, but they've
all gone to that big roundup in the sky. Now, for some reason, no one else wants
the job.
Then one day, a stranger, named Mr. Potato Head, came to Tater
Town, looking for work. Mr. Potato Head was an honest, loyal, and trustworthy
man, but totally naive to the evils of the real world.
Out of desperation, Mayor Masher offered the job of sheriff to Mr.
Potato Head.
And so, Mr. Potato Head became the sheriff even though he didn't
know any more about keeping law and order than the man in the moon.
Sorry, Man in the Moon.
Now, up to this point, Mr. Potato Head's sheriffing days had been
going pretty well. His days as a Boy Scout were paying off with all the neat
rope tricks he could do and the whole town was impressed.
Especially his sweetheart who'd watch him from above.
But, Mr. Potato Head would soon learn that there's more to sheriffing
than rope tricks and sweethearts. Because, just then, Rotten Roots approached
him!
Suddenly, Mr. Potato Head was riddled with fear!
Rotten Roots looked Mr. Potato Head straight in the eye and dared
him to make a move!
Now, despite his fear, Mr. Potato Head knew that it was his duty, as
the sheriff, to uphold the law. So, he looked his enemy head on and reached for
his pistol!
Oh No! Mr. Potato Head's holster accidentally slipped off of his
waist, putting his life in danger and causing him great embarrassment as well!
And so, the enraged Man in the Moon continuously plummeted the
now helpless Rotten Roots with one angry blow after another.
After the Man in the Moon was through, Rotten Roots lay unconscious
on the ground, ready to be taken to the hoosegow.
The mayor had never been happier.
THE END
And so ends A Potato Western and, lest you think it was a total waste
of your time, just think how good everything else in life is going to seem after
this.